CHURCH OF THE SECOND HOLE

Welcome, Sinners.

The Church of the Second Hole ain’t just a religion.

It’s a way of life for the damned, the drunk, and the deviant.

We don’t offer salvation. We offer a second chance to go deeper.

“If the first hole made you, the second hole remakes you”

– Pastor Cumshot

The Doctrine

- We do not kneel. We squat.

- Sin is not a crime. It’s a rite.

- Redemption is earned through suffering, moonshine, and noise.

- Every sermon ends with a shot and a scream

- There are no virgins here. Not even the babies.

- Baptism requires flammable liquid.

- The Holy Trinity: Earl, Pastor, and Daddy.

The Holy Book

“The Hole Testament”

Written by no one. Edited by everyone.

It contains:

- Spilled secrets

- Crumpled lyrics

- Napkin prophecies

- Footprints and burn marks

Sunday Service

Every Sunday at 10AM. Bring your sins & your boots.

Led by the Pastor. Interrupted by Daddy. Endorsed by Mike.

“You don’t come to listen. You come to scream”

– Mama